I have returned to Norman, Oklahoma.
My luggage has not.
I want my laptop.

I hope I can come to understand your happiness, if that is in fact what it is.

I need a button to push. I need it to do something.
I'm just not sure what that something is.

I don't understand current events. This bothers me somewhat.


How can being sad make a person happy?
I really do not understand that.

Tomorrow, my pledge class is selling coffee and donuts in the music building.
I think you should come get one.

Freaking adorable.

Sad

I see your pain, and long to relieve it.

I wish that there were something I could do.

If nothing else, know that I love you, and would make things better if I could.

Professional Wind Ensembles

If my logic is faulty, or if I'm missing some crucial point in the following argument, please let me know.

There are many professional orchestras in the world. I can't think of a major city that doesn't have one. In the US alone, there are so many national, state, and city level orchestras that counting them is a task that would frustrate me to the point of giving up in the first five minutes.

There are very few professional wind ensembles. I can actually only think of four in the world off the top of my head.

There are many universities that have a stronger wind ensemble program than orchestral program. I know that at my school in particular, you are far more likely to run into someone who plays a wind instrument than someone who plays a string instrument.

Most composers today write for wind ensemble rather than orchestra, because wind ensembles (being a comparatively new type of ensemble, and therefore having less repertoire to choose from) are more likely to play new music.

That said, why is it so absurd to think that there will be an increase in the number of professional wind ensembles in the near future?

I think it is only logical to assume that the limited number of job options available to people who perform on wind instruments will lead to some of these people forming ensembles of their own, and that some of those ensembles will eventually become professional ensembles.

Am I completely crazy?

Fear

Last semester, I loved being a music major with all of my heart. Enthusiastically. Without question. Even the bits that weren't so much fun, like getting up early every day to go to theory or aural skills, or having to walk so far to Catlett in the cold weather.

I think I can safely say that the honeymoon phase of college has ended.

This semester has stressed me out beyond my wildest dreams. I've never been the strongest at time management, which was never a problem in high school, because my parents kept me on schedule.

Now that I'm responsible for all of that on my own, I have been thrown into the metaphorical ocean of all that I need to do, and it's sink or swim. Right now I'm at a sort of a doggie-paddle level. I need to be the Michael Phelps of time management.

Now that I'm taking education classes, I find myself critiquing my teachers, and the class system as a whole. So far, I think that Theory and Aural Skills should be combined with Group Piano, and that there should be a placement exam for this new, 3-in-1 class. I know that a significant part of the reason that I don't have problems with theory is the fact that I have such an extensive piano background, and the fact that I have so few problems with aural skills has, in part, to do with the fact that I understand theory so well. I think that giving people the keyboard foundation would help them comprehend theory more efficiently.

In addition to my problems with the current class system, I have discovered this semester how much of a worrier I am. For example, at the moment I am terrified that I will not be able to meet my GPA requirements for the semester, and that I will lose my scholarship, and that I will be forced to go home and that I will never see my friends in Oklahoma again. This is my biggest fear at the moment.

I think they're unbased. I had the same fears last semester, and I far exceeded the GPA requirements.

But dear God. I'm terrified of losing my scholarship.

I can't handle that. I cannot handle leaving this place. If I lose Norman, if I lose the men and women who I have come to love, then I will break.

I'm sorry to dump this out in front of everybody, but I am not brave enough to face that. The combination of my parents' disappointment with my own insecurities without the support system that I have embraced so enthusiastically...

I can't.

I need spring break to get here so I can just relax. Get away from all the stress, and come back ready to start anew.

Themes.

Words cannot accurately describe my emotional state at the moment.

Sorry, guys.

I tried.

Listen to Morten Lauridsen's Ave Maria. That's close.

Once...

I become nostalgic at night...

I want you to know that I appreciate you, and I love having you in my life.

I don't know what lies down the road for you and I, but I know that with you by my side, I can handle it.

I'll carry you when you need it, and I trust you to do the same for me.

Should our lives diverge, mine will have been richer for the time we've spent together.

I love you.

My sister posted this, and I thought it was fascinating.

Evidently, youtube videos are too big to fit onto my blog... what's up with that?

This semester WILL NOT defeat me.

I WILL NOT drop my english class. I enjoy it too much.

I can do this. I will come out of the semester a stronger person for having completed it.