I can't say it right

Do you ever get overcome with emotion at how beautiful everything is, and how unworthy we all are to be here?
I don't see myself as a very religious person in the traditional sense, but sometimes I get into this mindset where I look at things and I can't help but wonder at how great God is that every single sensation we experience springs from His imagination.
Like, I understand that a lot of my friends are atheists/agnostics/whatever, and they're going to disagree with me on this, and that's fine. But right now, I feel like such a child, and everything is new, and beautiful, and exciting.
I just watched my GSE Digital Summerbook, and I saw all of the people I got to know, and I listened to all of the music, and saw all of the performances, and the people liking each other, laughing, and I remember how truly awesome it was to be with so many people that loved each other enough to disagree without fighting, and to come together to create so many beautiful shows, concerts, and it astounds me.
It's simply astounding how vibrating air particles can hit our eardrums in such a way that we percieve music, or speech, or laughter, and that we feel what the person making those vibrations are feeling...

I can't accurately express what I'm feeling right now.

But it's beautiful.

People may disagree about the technicalities and structure of religion, and I'm sure that I could find a TON of people out there who would tell me I'm wrong (Do it! Come argue with me about religion and God. I love hearing what you have to say, especially if you'll hear what I have to say. Come argue with me, debate with me, because we can. I hope we disagree. I hope I get something new from you. I hope you get something new from me, if you want it.) but I think that THIS is what God is about. This complicated, frustrating, beautiful sense of wonder and awe at everything around you. THIS thing that I can't say right, but I try anyway.

I love you. Yes, you. You, who are reading this.
I love you. I may not know who you are, but you are beautiful.

Auditions

Tomorrow, I leave for Indiana with my parents. We're stopping to spend the night in Kentucky, and we'll get there Friday. The audition is Saturday. I'm playing the first two movements of the Bach Sonata in E Major, and the first movement of the Hindemith Sonata.

My reading list for the drive:

• Watchmen
• 1984
• Queen of Babble Gets Hitched
• Eragon
• Eldest
• Brisingr
• Chicken Soup for the College Soul
• A David Sedaris Memoir, the name of which escapes me. The one with the skeleton on the front. Not Me Talk Pretty One Day, Not Naked... that other one.
• Several issues of the New Yorker that I still haven't read, beginning with the Dec. 6th issue. Oops.
• I might have packed something else, but I forgot about it if I did.
• I'm also taking: Cloverfield
• Thank You for Smoking
• Sweeney Todd

Just in case we have nothing to do in our hotel room.

I found out (again, because evidently I opened this email earlier, and never actually showed it to Elizabeth... oops) that my FSU piano audition is February 7th. The only problem is that I don't feel very confident with my piano audition music anymore. I peaked last month, and haven't played it very much at ALL since. So I have to re-construct all my music. May God have mercy on my soul.

I'm going to go to bed now. Tomorrow, we begin the trek... after I eat breakfast at the local Greek restaurant with Madrigal Singers.

grin

Flirting with straight boys is funny.
Their awkardness in such a situation is priceless.
That's all.

I=dork.

So, I've been revisiting my childhood likes lately.
I've watched nine episodes of animorphs on youtube, and I've gotten out the books to re-read them.
I've been discussing pokemon with a couple of my friends, and I'm filled with a strong desire to find my old blue and play it again.
I'm a dork.
BUT I DON'T CARE! IT'S FUN.
At the beginning of senior year, Anna and I planned to have a little-kid senior year: Piñatas, hide and seek, other little kid stuff. I haven't done that much of it. But I'm catching up with where I should be!

Tea

When you can have a small ceramic cup
off-white, with a chip on the lip
near the upside-down teardrop handle
steam lazily lifting its swirls from the lake
the little brown ocean, sleepily warming your chilled fingers
warm bitter taste nestling inside you, making everything better
sore mood, sore throat...

Why would you want cough medicine?

Insomnia

I hate it so much.
I know I should be sleeping, but I don't want to. Therefore, I can't. I need to get back into a normal sleep pattern, because (AUGH) school starts again on Monday.
Speaking of which, I need to finish my english assignments (bah.) before they're due.
I could be doing them now... that would certainly make me want to go to sleep...
nah.
I could go play computer games...
nah.
I WISH I could practice, but that would wake everybody up. GAH.
I don't want to sleep, but I don't want to do much of anything that a person is allowed to do at 3 in the morning.

I think I'm supposed to do something tomorrow (today, technically). What is it?

My Dad got an iPod for Christmas. He's having WAY too much fun downloading songs.
His purchases so far:

• Jolene- Dolly Parton
• I Will Always Love You- Dolly Parton
• Good Hearted Woman- Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson
• Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys- Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson
• Crazy- Patsy Cline
• Sweet Dreams (Of You)- Patsy Cline
• She's Got You- Patsy Cline
• Coal Miner's Daughter- Loretta Lynn (which rhymes the words "hard" and "tired." Not as a slant rhyme. Literally, "tired" is pronounced "tahrd." And my father wonders why we don't have the same taste in music.)
• My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys- Willie Nelson
• Georgia On My Mind- Willie Nelson
• Proud Mary- Tina Turner
• What's Love Got to Do With It- Tina Turner
• Piano Man- Billy Joel
• She's Always a Woman- Billy Joel
• He Stopped Loving Her Today- George Jones
• A Country Boy Can Survive- Hank Williams, Jr.
• Stand By Your Man- Tammy Wynette (Which reminds me of a show Dad's newspaper sponsored once... The Honky Tonk Angels. A musical celebrating the woman's voice in country music. Frankly, I enjoyed it. I won't ever tell Dad... except he reads this occasionally... but I did enjoy it. EXCEPT when they came down off the stage and plucked three audience members to dance with them... including myself. I was 10. I was mortified.)
  
• Hello Darlin'- Conway Twitty
• Rocky Top- Osborne Brothers
• Orange Blossom Special- Dr. Ralph Stanley & The Clinch Mountain Boys
• The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down- Joan Baez
• An American Trilogy- Elvis Presley

Now, I love my father. However, I am very glad that I did not inherit his taste in music.
Frankly, I like some of the songs. However, country music has never been, and unless things change drastically, most likely will never be my first choice when it comes to music.
I suppose if he's going to purchase country music, he at least has purchased the some of the finer examples.

He did get Tina Turner and Billy Joel. I suppose that redeems him slightly.

Random thought: If you are one of those people who reads my blog for inexplicable reasons, kindly write your name down as a response to this post. I'm curious.

New Years Resolutions (Courtesy of McSweeney's)

BY TEDDY WAYNE AND GREG WAYNE

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