There are times when I appreciate deeply philosophical conversations late at night. However, this is not one of those times for two reasons:

1) I'm not partaking in the conversation, and

2) I'm trying to write for my expository writing class.

They started by questioning whether or not they love their country, and then they began to contemplate whether or not they could refer to any country as their own, because who can own a country, and then they began to contemplate whether or not they could love at all. At least one of them has decided that he loves nothing.

WTF?

How can you go through life without experiencing love?

In unrelated news, the only thing that makes a long walk by yourself in the cold bearable is your iPod.

Maslanka

In the rehearsal David Maslanka had with Wind Symphony today, I wanted nothing more than to be able to hear what he was saying to the musicians. I spoke with several of my friends in Wind Symphony about it afterwards, and many of them said they cried during the rehearsal, they were so moved.

Maslanka 4 is an absolutely stunning piece of music. I can't wait for the concert on Tuesday.

The end makes me feel as if I'm staring at the sun.

...and one more.

I'm also a vlogger?

I'm going to start posting my youtube videos on here.

A simple request

I'm a little bit calmer now.

I just want things to settle down a little bit, so I know what I'm supposed to be doing.

Is that really so much to ask for?

I got a care package from L, K, W, and C today. It really perked up my day. Especially the girl scout cookies.

I'm going to go write a rubric for my Teaching Techniques class. While eating thin mints.

Instructions for life

ALWAYS pay the accompanist.

ALWAYS.

No exceptions.

Unless you're dating. And then you're paying in other ways.

But since I'm not dating anyone...

PAY THE ACCOMPANIST. Don't be so surprised that I probably won't play pro bono for you.

This whole situation is EXTREMELY stressful.

I'm not actually having problems with people paying me. But I'm going to complain about that instead of what's really bothering me.

I hate titles.

This actually is not true. I'm writing an essay for my Expository Writing class (the one that I pulled the all-nighter for? yeah. still working on it. Because in Expo you write one essay like seventy trillion jillion times) and I feel like the title and the introduction are the best parts of it.

THEME FOR MY LIFE: I cannot, Cannot, CANNOT write an ending in the way deemed necessary for academic writing. It's simply beyond my capabilities. I'm sitting here, staring at my argument... and I cannot think of a single way to write an ending. This is something that has been a problem since high school.

I especially have trouble because the ending is supposed to "restate your introduction" in new terms... and I feel freaking stupid when I do that. No, that's inaccurate. I don't feel stupid, I feel like I'm insulting the reader:

"By the way, this is what I just told you. I don't think you're intelligent enough to know what I said I was going to tell you at the beginning, and what I just spent four pages telling you. So I'm going to beat it into your head with a brick ONE MORE TIME because CLEARLY you're too stupid to understand me."

Do you see how this will not win friends and influence people?

So evidently there is another class I need to be enrolled in at the moment: Field Experience for Teaching Techniques.

I'm gonna go get on that tomorrow. Or, I'll try to. I don't know when I'll be able to do that, since I'm pretty sure I won't be able to go over to the dean's office 'til after they've closed. ALSO, evidently that's not where I'm supposed to go, because when I submitted my add/drop form for Teaching Techniques, they were all like, "Oh, you don't go to us. You go somewhere else." Only I don't know where to go.

SOMEONE ELSE WORK OUT THE TECHNICAL PORTION OF MY DEGREE PLAN. I'll make the grades and do the assignments and practice and stuff, just someone else figure out where I'm supposed to be and when.

I really hope that FoTech has the GenEd's I'll need.

God, I pray the man I end up with one day is both naturally organized AND will help keep me the same way in a manner that leaves us both not wanting to strangle each other.

Is this blogging thing supposed to be coherent? I ramble a lot on this thing.

I sort of treat it like free therapy.

Hell, I don't even know if I want to be a teacher yet. I think I'd be good at it. I think it's something that I would enjoy and that it would bring me satisfaction, but I still don't know if that's what I want to do with my life.

I wish my essays were like this blog: scattered thoughts that kind of make sense. Abstract thought is so much more satisfying.

I don't know when I'm going to go meet with the people who can help me with this whole...... THING.

I don't even know what to call it.

God, I'm so angsty right now. I didn't know the freak-out-about-stuff part of me existed quite this extensively.

Blogging

I'm required to blog for my teaching techniques class.

This means that I've kind of forgotten about this one?

I'm just going to copy and paste.

So, I feel like I'm grasping in the dark with this teaching philosophy assignment. I'm sure that the other students in class aren't terribly far ahead of me, but at the same time, I feel as if they have a larger base of knowledge established in Intro to MuEd that I'm missing out on... So I don't really know if my philosophy is coherent. I hope it is.

I kind of wonder how I'm going to get everything done this semester, and if all of the subsequent semesters are going to be like this. Let's see, what am I doing this semester...

-Classes (including two lessons, and an EXPOSITORY WRITING class. What on EARTH was I thinking when I signed up for Expo? Really? I mean... fascinating class. I'm learning a lot... and it's kicking my butt.)

-Pledging Phi Mu Alpha (which I'm ahead of schedule on)

-Accompanying

-HOPEFULLY maintaining some semblance of a social life

-Maybe... JUST maybe flirting with a certain Energy Management major.

I need at least seven more of these entries by the end of the week. I think I'm going to go creep on other people's blogs... see what they've written about.

Should be interesting.

But not right now. Now I have to go write an essay.

____

We had a quiz on our repertoire piece today in piano skills.

I didn't know about it because I missed class on Thursday.

So I sight-read my quiz today. Sort of. I mean, I had the time to go over it twice before I had to record it and turn it in, but still.

This is a reflection upon my AWESOME time management skills.

I hope D had a good birthday.

He seemed rather unenthusiastic about it.

____

It amuses me to see all of my classmates with the little green "signed in" dot next to their name as the time approaches midnight.

I generally listen to music while I'm writing, as long as it's something without words.

Tonight, my music of choice has been Yo-Yo Ma's 1983 recording of J. S. Bach's cello suites.

The people in the room with me are arguing about the panhandles of Idaho and Oklahoma... and whether or not Texas has a REAL panhandle. I'm really glad i have headphones.

I think that I'll do well on this essay for Expository writing, now that I'm done freaking out about it. Maybe Bach has calming properties.

____

I actually totally think that Bach tends to calm the listener. We were listening to some keyboard piece today in Technique class (it had french in the title, and it was a minuet. Evidently it exists in multiple editions, and the Barenreiter edition has both of these editions in it... I just don't remember WHAT it was. There were two lines, one in each hand, so I don't THINK it was from any of the french suites, but I could be wrong) and it almost put me to sleep.

Gorgeous.

But I was sleepy.

This is a recurring theme... listening to music can make me quite sleepy. Especially in concert halls. I feel rude as I start to nod off, but the dark lights, and the (presumably) comfortable seats, and the music... yeah. Bad combination.

I NEED TO WRITE MY PAPER AND NOT BLOGS AH!

(side note... the people in the room with me aren't arguing about panhandles anymore. They're playing the dart game. Every so often someone will just fall over. It's distracting, but funny.)

____

I am pulling my first (and hopefully last) all-nighter of the semester. I've been decently productive: I finished my philosophy assignment, an essay, and I made a youtube video. I'm about to go do my theory homework and my reading for my honors college reading group (Which, by the way, I'm not sure if I have time to maintain. It's an interesting book, but... I mean, I'm barely getting my reading done for my Expository writing class.)

Anyway. I'm going to go do that, and then I'm going to go to class. How messed up is that?

My parents are worried about my habits at college. They think I'm not that capable of taking care of myself, to the point that they think that me living in an apartment off-campus is a bad idea for next year. They're concerned for my health because I don't get as much sleep as they'd like (which... I mean, tonight's not the greatest example. Normally I'd be asleep by like 2.)

DANGIT I didn't practice today. I knew I was forgetting something.

Time-Management... CLEARLY not one of my strong points.

Just throwing that out there.

____

I had a great conversation with T tonight about music and life.

And then I locked my phone in her office because my best friend K texted me and I put my phone on the ground.

I wish that guy wouldn't practice in the band room, because it means that NOBODY else can practice in there. It's so irritating.

I'm envious of people who have portable instruments, because they can practice their instruments wherever the need strikes them. Like, I could totally go practice flute in the elevator hallway right now if I were a flute major.

But no. I'm a piano major. I have to trek all the way to Catlett and find a piano in a decent room in order to do ANYTHING worthwhile. I hate the practice rooms. They suck your soul out.

That's why I practice in classrooms.

Right now I'm listening to Ravel's Bolero, and as soon as it is finished, I'm going to sleep. (Except it just ended and I have another thing to say...)

I dropped out of my reading group today. It was just too much to handle.

Great book (Monkey Girl, by Edward Humes), but I simply didn't have time to keep up with the reading. And if you haven't done the reading, you can't contribute to the conversation...

____

I'm mildly worried that I'm going to come out of college with a nice little souvenir (I had to google the proper spelling of that word) to accompany my degree...

A caffeine addiction.

This could be irritating.

____

I completely forgot to do the discussion board.

I also didn't get my tickets to go see "To Kill a Mockingbird," and now they're sold out.

However, I'm going to a date party tonight, and that should be fun.

M and I are wearing red.