Monday, December 15, 2008

Dear Robert

I received a letter today from Jacobs School of Music at Indiana University.

"Dear Robert:

The Admissions Committee of the Indiana University Jacobs School of Music has considered your screening materials and application for admission to the for the Fall Semester 2009 [sic].After careful review and consultation with faculty, the Committee did not feel it could recommend an on campus audition.

This decision has no bearing on your admission to Indiana University by University Admissions. If it is your decision to attend Indiana University, we encourage you to consider enrollment in our courses in general music studies, ensembles, and secondary lessons as electives.

Dr. Townsend A. Plant
Director of Music Admissions and Financial Aid
Indiana University Jacobs School of Music"

All I can think is that I spent ALL THAT TIME writing those essays for the Indiana Scholarship Committee, and now I haven't gotten in to the School of Music?

While I know I'm not a bad musician, this is a pretty significant blow to my self-confidence. Being a not bad musician does not necessarily mean that I am a good one.

I've always thought of myself primarily as a pianist. But I can't sightread worth crap, and I can't improvise on the piano without freaking out and stopping every couple of measures to make sure I did it right.

What now? Do I give up?
I don't think I should. I mean, my audition at UNCG went fairly well (I think) and I really do like it there. Certainly this news isn't the end of the world, but it has made me step back and reevaluate. But I can't help but wonder if perhaps I'm not as good as I thought I was... am I just mediocre in the grand scheme of things?

I got into GSE on the flute.
I've gotten into Honors Chorus 3 times, and one time I was the top scorer in my section.
I've never auditioned or competed for anything on piano before. Perhaps I was wrong to think of myself primarily as a pianist?

Also, is this the letter for the piano screening, the voice screening, or both?

And frankly, I'm not hugely surprised. I mean, I wasn't exactly in top form the day we recorded my screening auditions. The fugue I had started just a little more than a month before... I hadn't finished learning the notes until the week before. The Brahms was simply catastrophic... ugh.

I guess I can't wear the scarf the Honors College sent me, now. Such a shame... it's so warm. I'm sure not going to go there if I can't major in music. Secondary lessons and general music courses my ass... I've never wanted to be anything other than a music major. Not since like 7th grade, anyway.

I slaved over those essays, though!
And why did they want a screening audition so early in the year? November?
Really? That's two months before their first audition date. Do you know how much work you can get done on a piece of music in two months? Why, just the next week I was playing my audition pieces better than I did for the screening recording...

Also, they need to fix the typo in their letter. "admission to the for the Fall Semester"?

Makes me feel a little better about not getting in, honestly. Call it being petty, but the fact that an error like that would slip through such a short letter gives the childish, immature side of me some sort of pleasure. You know, akin to the sour grapes concept? "Why would I want to go there anyway? They can't even proofread their letters."

I know it's silly. But whatever.

I guess I'm going to UNCG, now. Not that that's a bad thing, I very much like UNCG. The professors there are excellent, and I already know some people that go there. Some of the professors even already sort of know who I am, so I have that base there already.

But I'd hoped to go a little further away from home...

Oh well. It's not the end of the world.
I'm just ready to get out of High School already.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Robert,

I'm terribly sorry to hear that you didn't make it into the Music School. Don't let this bring you down, okay? You are an AMAZING musician. Yes, in the scheme of things you might be mediocre but aren't we all? That's what keeps us pushing forward trying to do our best right? And I don't care what they say, because, to me you will always be the best flute/pianist/vocal person I know. Also, don't give up...keep going until you can look back on this and laugh at these idiots for letting such a talented musician pass them by. As for the scarf, who says you can't wear it? I think you should wear it considering they were nice enough to send it, you still love Indiana, and you look amazing in it. I love you dearly and hope that things work out for you. Remember, don't fret about this, keep your head up, and keep pushing forward.