Friday, April 10, 2009

Apologies. (or, a brief illustration of my overwhelming need to please everybody)

1) This post was written out of shock and anger. Although I had resolved to confront you when I saw you next, upon seeing you face-to-face I couldn't. I know you love me, and ultimately you said what you did because you felt that it was best for me. Although misguided, you meant well. Also, Dad talked to you, and you have expressed a wish to apologize.
So I apologize for reacting in a negative way, however hurt I may have been.

2) At one point I felt that you were the perfect match for me. Charming, handsome, kind, funny, outgoing, talented, intelligent... the list goes on. Once it became clear that I didn't have a chance, I decided that being friends would have to suffice (although the word "suffice" implies that I would be dissatisfied with "mere" friendship). However, I became awkward around you, as I inevitably do with boys I like but who I know don't like me back. (Again I ask... why am I awkward?) So I'm sorry that I missed the opportunity to be a better friend to you, instead of the boy who likes you and then has to try to ignore that fact.

3) I'm sorry you don't like that part of who I am. But it just that: a part of who I am, whether or not you will admit it. You say I am young, and I can't really know who I am, and perhaps on some level that is true, but of this I am sure. I'm sorry that it disappoints you, but there's really nothing I can do about it without intentionally making myself (and perhaps others?) utterly miserable, which I will not do.

4) I'm sorry I don't work more diligently! I know you really want me to succeed, and that you've invested a lot of time and effort into me, and I'm sure I disappoint you at many turns, but I really don't want to. I want to do well so it reflects well upon you, because you do so much for me.

5) I'm sorry I don't like you the way you like me. You're a really great guy, and I'm glad that you're my friend. I don't understand why exactly I don't like you in a romantic fashion, but for some reason I don't. I really am sorry. I know how much it sucks to like someone and then have them not like you back, for whatever reason.

6) I'm sorry I lost the ring you gave me. I feel terrible whenever I think about it. I have absolutely no idea where it might have gone, and the fact that it was irreplaceable makes it even more difficult. I know it probably didn't have that much monetary value, but you specifically got that for me, for when I was older... and I lost it.

7) I'm sorry I thought that an apology post was a good idea. I imagine this must have been quite dull reading for you (if you even made it this far).

1 comment:

Bozy said...

I think it's nice of you to apologize even if some things don't require an apology.

You're such a nice guy. :)

I may also borrow this idea for one of my post if I may.