3 Sadness

There's a boy I like.
We shall call him 3.
I'll explain why:
There are exactly three boys who I love. Boys who I care about deeply, and, although they may not share the exact same feelings toward me, I care about them and wish them every happiness, even if it's not necessarily with me. These began as crushes, developed into friendships with undertones of attraction, and further developed into love. Each one has taken a different amount of time to reach these qualifications, and my feelings towards each of them are different, but I love all three of them.
Once I love somebody, I love them forever. I may be able to push it to the back of my mind when I haven't seen them for awhile, but I still think about them whenever I see things that I associate with them (places, people, religions, colleges, authors, characters, songs, musical instruments, colors, etc.).
In short, I don't (romantically) love people in a very healthy manner.
We are going to call the boy in question 3 because he was the third one to enter the picture. Rather simple, actually.

In the past year, I told 3 how I felt about him, as I did with 2 and 1. He didn't feel the same way about me (He turned me down in such a sweet way)(... Did I really just say that? Wow. I'm hopeless.), and after that initial awkwardness passed, we became friends again, if somewhat more distant.
Now that you have the generic, identity-free background to the story, let me begin.

One of the scenarios I picture with boys that I love is similar to one in Casino Royale.

You know the one, where Bond goes into the bathroom and finds Vesper sitting in the shower in her evening gown, crying/in shock? And Bond goes and holds her?

I always pictured something like that. One of us (usually me, at first, because all three of the other boys are taller than me) is in need of some SERIOUS comfort, and the boy just sits next to me and holds me without saying anything, like in the movie.
I don't usually think about it in reversed terms, with the boy being the one that needs consoling, but today I did.
I was talking to 3 on an instant messaging service (the most personal of all methods of communication. yeah right.), catching up because I hadn't talked to him in a while, and all of a sudden he tells me that he can't talk right now because he's crying in his room and can't really handle shit at the moment.
At which point I imagined the above scene with the roles reversed. More than anything, I wanted to be in the room with him, helping him through whatever it was he needed to get through.

And I couldn't.

Physically, he was too far away.

Emotionally, he didn't like me like that, so it wouldn't be very effective.

And I want to express this desire to comfort to him, while acknowledging his lack of desire for it to come from me, and it's really difficult to do that through a stupid IM.

So he had to sit in his room alone, and cry. For whatever reason.

On Christmas. I couldn't even give him that.

Love sucks.

3, if you ever read this, I do love you. I do care about you.
I realize it's kind of odd, given the circumstances, but I do.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Our neighbors seem to be developing a habit of moving away.
The family across the street and one to the right moved to a different neighborhood.
The family to our left (facing the street) moved to CHINA for a year for the dad's business.
And the family to our right (again facing the street) are moving to Montreal.
Are we that unpleasant to live next to?
:) Just kidding. I still see the girl in family 1 in school, and family 2 is in town (and state, country, and continent) for 2 weeks for Christmas before they come home permanently in 6 weeks.
I'm going to miss family 3, though. I used to go over there when I'd accidentally get locked out of my house to borrow the key they held for just such occasions.
The mom is such an excellent cook, too.

Bye, family 3! We'll miss you! Keep in touch!

Internet stuff

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

Hmm. the video-window is too big. Go look at it on the original website.

A musical promoting gay marriage? Hmm. I don't think we could ever perform this at our school... I mean, if they wrote angry letters about The Marriage of Bette and Boo then this would never go over well.
*snicker snicker*

In other news, I found out about the YouTube Symphony Orchestra today.

Youtube is doing this project where they've commissioned Tan Dun to write a symphony for the first internet collaborative symphony orchestra. What you do is you record your instrument part to a video of Tan Dun conducting the piece, submit it to youtube, and record something in public domain (there are suggestions on each instrument page) and then somehow they pick the members of the orchestra. They're performing in Carnegie Hall in April. I think it's a pretty cool idea.

Here's the London Symphony Orchestra performing the piece.

Things I Saw Today

• Cody! We went to the mall and hung out today. It was fun.
• A little old man in a little smart car, smoking a Sherlock Holmes-esque pipe.
• A woman with a not-so-recently shaved beard. Like, five o'clock shadow from two days ago stubble. It was very noticeable.
• NOT SANTA. Me and Cody stood there for like a half hour waiting for Santa to get back from his break and take pictures with the little kids, and eventually we just went home, because he STILL wasn't back.
• A woman driving the wrong way in the parking lot... the lanes are one-way, and she barely squeezed by me and the person in front of me.
• The Christmas pianist at the mall who's not very old at all, who looks rather unhealthy. Evidently he has some kind of incurable disease, or something, according to Dad, who was told this when he inquired about the position for me a few years ago. He was quite good... I wish I could transition between Christmas carols as seamlessly as he does.
• Didn't see it, but I felt the ground shake when we were upstairs at Dick's Sporting Goods. For a second I thought there was another earthquake going on (like the one last year that I slept through, rrgh. I hate that I missed it.) but Cody thought it was the guy walking past. I prefer to think it was an earthquake. Much cooler.
• Six people I knew. Cody was like, "Oh my God, do you know everybody?"
• A little girl bouncing ten times her height on one of those bouncy, bungee-jumping things they have at the mall.
• An Edward Cullen life-size cardboard stand-up. There was a Bella Swann one as well, but who cares about her?

In related news, all of my Christmas shopping is done! Now I can officially relax.
Dad and Elizabeth are coming home with Five Guys burgers soon. I can almost taste them already... They went to go see the new James Bond movie. I hope they were more intelligent than I was, and missed the Festival of Lights traffic that I forgot about until it was too late to turn around.

Better News

I just heard from UNCG that I've gotten into the piano and flute studios, and that I'll hear from the voice studio in March.
This makes me feel much better about myself.

This Saturday, I shall brave the formidable wasteland that is the mall on the Saturday before Christmas. Terrifying, but Christmas shopping is a must.

Hmm...
I should probably plan what I'm going to get.

We had hot chocolate today in Calculus. It was wonderful. Nothing makes integrals more pleasant than hot chocolate.

No other significant musings for today. Not that any of these were particularly significant...

Dear Robert

I received a letter today from Jacobs School of Music at Indiana University.

"Dear Robert:

The Admissions Committee of the Indiana University Jacobs School of Music has considered your screening materials and application for admission to the for the Fall Semester 2009 [sic].After careful review and consultation with faculty, the Committee did not feel it could recommend an on campus audition.

This decision has no bearing on your admission to Indiana University by University Admissions. If it is your decision to attend Indiana University, we encourage you to consider enrollment in our courses in general music studies, ensembles, and secondary lessons as electives.

Sincerely,
Dr. Townsend A. Plant
Director of Music Admissions and Financial Aid
Indiana University Jacobs School of Music"

All I can think is that I spent ALL THAT TIME writing those essays for the Indiana Scholarship Committee, and now I haven't gotten in to the School of Music?

While I know I'm not a bad musician, this is a pretty significant blow to my self-confidence. Being a not bad musician does not necessarily mean that I am a good one.

I've always thought of myself primarily as a pianist. But I can't sightread worth crap, and I can't improvise on the piano without freaking out and stopping every couple of measures to make sure I did it right.

What now? Do I give up?
I don't think I should. I mean, my audition at UNCG went fairly well (I think) and I really do like it there. Certainly this news isn't the end of the world, but it has made me step back and reevaluate. But I can't help but wonder if perhaps I'm not as good as I thought I was... am I just mediocre in the grand scheme of things?

I got into GSE on the flute.
I've gotten into Honors Chorus 3 times, and one time I was the top scorer in my section.
I've never auditioned or competed for anything on piano before. Perhaps I was wrong to think of myself primarily as a pianist?

Also, is this the letter for the piano screening, the voice screening, or both?

And frankly, I'm not hugely surprised. I mean, I wasn't exactly in top form the day we recorded my screening auditions. The fugue I had started just a little more than a month before... I hadn't finished learning the notes until the week before. The Brahms was simply catastrophic... ugh.

I guess I can't wear the scarf the Honors College sent me, now. Such a shame... it's so warm. I'm sure not going to go there if I can't major in music. Secondary lessons and general music courses my ass... I've never wanted to be anything other than a music major. Not since like 7th grade, anyway.

I slaved over those essays, though!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
And why did they want a screening audition so early in the year? November?
Really? That's two months before their first audition date. Do you know how much work you can get done on a piece of music in two months? Why, just the next week I was playing my audition pieces better than I did for the screening recording...



Also, they need to fix the typo in their letter. "admission to the for the Fall Semester"?

Makes me feel a little better about not getting in, honestly. Call it being petty, but the fact that an error like that would slip through such a short letter gives the childish, immature side of me some sort of pleasure. You know, akin to the sour grapes concept? "Why would I want to go there anyway? They can't even proofread their letters."

I know it's silly. But whatever.

I guess I'm going to UNCG, now. Not that that's a bad thing, I very much like UNCG. The professors there are excellent, and I already know some people that go there. Some of the professors even already sort of know who I am, so I have that base there already.

But I'd hoped to go a little further away from home...

Oh well. It's not the end of the world.
I'm just ready to get out of High School already.

Sleep/Homeroom/Madrigals

Eric Whitacre posted this to his blog recently. It was awesome. I followed suit.
The performers are TorQ percussion quartet.
The piece is Sleep, by Eric Whitacre (which is why he posted it to his blog).

This year, our school schedule is structured in such a way that we have homeroom every day for about twenty minutes. We don't do anything. It's a total waste of time, so I don't go.
However, I got a little worried today that they might count these absences against senior exemptions for exams, or report cards, or something. So I went up to the office to find out if I was "in trouble."

Why can't I leave well enough alone? Now the assistant principal knows that I don't go to homeroom, and although she said she'd "look the other way" about the past however long it's been (like... a month maybe? and three weeks before that one day that I went? and quite awhile before that, too... hmm.), she said I need to start going again, so they can get graduation announcements to us.

It's December.

Graduation is in June.

What could they possibly tell us right now?

Anyway... I might go tomorrow, just to tell Coach Lowery where I'll be for the rest of the school year... because I'm still not going to go.

And no, this isn't because I think that band people are "above the law", Mr. new-assistant-principal-whose-name-I've-forgotten. If I'm going to waste my time, I'm going to do it somewhere I'm comfortable (i.e., not the gym floor).

I mean... what are they going to do? Fail me?
I hope Mr. J doesn't get in trouble. I suppose I should have thought about that before I went...

The band website is up now.

We have our second madrigal dinner tonight... last night went well. I'll have pictures up at some point. Maybe. I love being the jester... I get to make fun of people.

Mice

I had to take my car to the shop sometime two weeks ago, because I got to school that Friday and there was smoke coming out of the hood. Only evidently it wasn't smoke, it was steam that smelled like smoke. (?) Anyway, I was driving Grandmommy's truck while my car was in the shop. Sometime last week, I leave for school, and I realize as I'm going up the hill that the truck isn't accelerating.
"Hmm," thought I. "This isn't good."
I pulled out onto 801 anyway, thinking that it would start... but it didn't. I'm sitting there, going like 18 mph on 801, and continually slowing. I slightly freaked, pulled over, and realized that the incline I had pulled over onto was rather steep, and the truck was rather top heavy. I tried to go a little bit further down the road to a lighter incline, but the truck wouldn't go at all, and started sliding down the incline towards a fence. The sheriff shows up... gives me the brilliant idea of using 4-wheel drive (why didn't I think of that?) and I pull away successfully.
Fast-forward to almost to school, in front of the Food Lion in the line of cars that is always there.
It happened again (minus the incline), so I pull into the parking lot, try to get it to go, manage to get to school.
Dad told me that my car was ready that day (good timing), so I'm to drop the truck off at the station and pick up my car. That was also a bit problematic.
Anyway, we went to pick up the truck the other day to take it to G-mommy's, and it did it again before I'd gotten twenty feet, so we took it back to get it checked again.

What was wrong with it?

Very odd problem.

Doesn't usually happen to cars.

Mice had chewed the wires. And the aluminum in the air conditioning. And maybe the gas line.

WTF?
Since when do mice chew on cars?

PS- I found someone else who reads my blog.
:)

What to do?

What does one do with a musical ensemble that has high levels of animosity between the individual performers? Between the performers and the conductor? Between the performers, conductor, and the music?

There are reasons I turn down the bottle of water offered to me by my section when I ask to go get a drink. It's not because of germs... It's because I need to get out of a stressful environment, even if only for a minute or two.

You know it's bad when you prefer Calculus.

Mmm... banana splits and trig parties. I love Calculus.

Random unplaceable memory

One time, many years ago, I spent the night at a friends house. We stayed up late watching TV in his room, and he fell asleep long before I did. We saw many things: stuff on discovery channel about famous architectural structures (Sedlec Ossuary, which contains tens of thousands of human skeletons arranged in artistic patterns ), roller-coasters (The Bullet. Straight up, then straight down. Named after the shape of the track), infomercials, other stuff. One thing that I remember seeing (he had fallen asleep long since) was this anime film (this was when I was still into anime). I don't remember the plot at all, except it involved the world coming to an end, as so many of them do. It took place on earth, but it was some sort of alternate-universe earth. I don't remember why, but all of a sudden, there were all these places where earth had intersected with some other version of earth, and there were all these shots from news shows in the movie illustrating the jaw-dropping effects thereof. Most of these consisted of famous global landmarks (arc d'triomphe, statue of liberty, etc.) being in places they were not supposed to be: I believe the statue of liberty was projecting from the side of some random mountain at about a 60º angle to the ground. But not the entire thing. It was as if someone had taken a giant statue-of-liberty-toothpick and stuck it in the side of the mountain. But the thing was, the Statue of Liberty was also in New York Harbor. So there were all of a sudden two Statues of Liberty on earth, and the Arc d'triomphe was in two places at once, and I don't remember any of the others.

What really irks me, though, is that I would like to see this image again. It was dramatic, compelling, and strange.

I have no idea the name of the movie, any of the characters, the plotline... anything.
I dont' even know what channel it came on, not that it matters. It aired about 7 years ago, and I don't know what time of day, or even what day.

I hate futile battles.

This is even harder than trying to track down that one version of the Star Spangled Banner I heard at the All-State Band concert those years ago. I at least know what year it was (2005), who was conducting (Jeff King), and some details of the arrangement (Opening trumpet duet. Included a quote from another patriotic song, most likely "America".).

Stupid assignment

So, in my mockery of an english class, we were told we had to write a poem, 10 lines, about what poetry is.
What's further, we had to post it in a public forum, and let our classmates finish the poem by writing 5 more lines in our style.
While the assignment is BEYOND stupid, I was fairly satisfied with the result. (Minus the 5 lines by someone else, I haven't gotten any of those yet.)

Nameless

The tip of the pen brushes the vast field of paper, black water flowing from the spout
making puddles of letterswordssentencesparagraphsnovelsthoughtsideasloverevolution.
Each word a brushstroke on an imagined canvas, seen differently by all,
because each soul speaks a different language with the same words trying desperately to
get a message out to somebody who will listenreadhearcarethinkponderchangetheworld.
In the desperate search for meaning in this maelstrom we call life, using this arbitrary
system of communication that we've been taught since birth, wordspunctuationsyntax
giving form to the formless forces inside, that which we all know but cannot express
correctly in any form, no matter how hard we try, but try we must because that's what life
is: the the attempt to make something usefulbeautifulmeaningful with limited resources.

Net Neutrality 2

The more I learn about this issue, the more distressed I become.

Below are a bunch of clips from Bill Moyers' series Moyers on America, "The Net at Risk?"

I found it to be most informative. I think it's most of the show, I'm not entirely sure. I know there's a little bit missing, but I don't know how much.

Bill Moyers on Net Neutrality Pt.1
Uploaded by Lv99_Slacker

Bill Moyers on Net Neutrality Pt.2
Uploaded by Lv99_Slacker

Bill Moyers on Net Neutrality Pt3
Uploaded by Lv99_Slacker

Bill Moyers on Net Neutrality Pt4
Uploaded by Lv99_Slacker

Bill Moyers on Net Neutrality Pt5
Uploaded by Lv99_Slacker

Net Neutrality

Save the Internet | Rock the Vote

My friend Abby told me about Net Neutrality recently. I don't quite understand it all yet, but I'm learning more about it. The video above is where I started, it explained things rather well, I thought.

Repentir

I went looking for the pronunciation of the french in Gounod's Repentir today, and I found this.


I love her voice. (That's Jessye Norman, by the way.)

Completely unrelated to the video above, I just watched Get Smart, and I thought it was fantastic. The end of it was filmed at Disney Concert Hall.
I want to go there so bad...
Their organ looks amazing.

Email

I just sent basically the exact same email to the piano, voice, and flute faculty at UNCG. You know... the standard Hi-I'm-me-tell-me-about-your-school-so-we-can-actually-have-a-conversation-and-maybe-you'll-remember-me-and-subconsciously-like-my-audition-more-because-you-know-who-I-am email.
I hope they don't compare notes.
I hope that they don't think me uncreative if they do compare notes.
Honestly, I don't know any of them. I've met four of them... and their emails were slightly more personalized.
Why am I worrying about this?
Gah. Whatever.

Relief

So, after stressing myself out about auditions for the past forever, I just found out that I actually don't have to have the Chopin Etude ready by this weekend. You have no idea just how much of a relief that is to me. Everything else is pretty much done... just some polishing to do between now and then. I can actually relax a little bit now.
In related news, I got an email from Indiana a couple of days ago... but I didn't see it until just now. I got in! I have officially been accepted as a student at Indiana University. Now I just have to get in the school of music.
Life is seriously starting to look good for the next little bit: Marching band is only practicing once a week anymore, I got into college, Thanksgiving, Birthday, and Christmas are on their way, I'll be done with auditions very soon, I don't have to go to either of the parades with marching band (Thank you, conveniently placed audition and recital...), and I'll be able to get a job sometime after new years (Starbucks, here I come)!
We're doing a poetry unit in my english class. I love poetry. I love how I've been able to use two of the poems I've been obsessed with lately in my assignments (John Donne's "Batter my heart, O Three person'd God" and William Butler Yeats "The Stolen Child"). I love that I got a recording of John Adam's setting of "Batter my Heart" from Doctor Atomic off Youtube.

I'm so incredibly happy right now.

The only downside is that I've misplaced my iPod. Which is inconvenient; we've got an exceptionally long drive tomorrow to play against Butler High School in Charlotte. What will I do on the way back?

The Wrong Shade of Blue

I wrote this for english class last year.

I like it.

I had to illustrate a witch-hunt of some sort. I sort of missed the mark, but I had fun.

Once upon a time, there was an exclusive club of seven Carolina fans. They all lived together in a house that was painted Carolina Blue, and every second of their day was Carolina-themed. They took showers with Carolina-Blue colored water, ate specially ordered Carolina-Blue M&M’s, and every night they watched a Carolina game from their video archives. On nights of live Carolina games, they worked themselves into a Carolina frenzy, and then gathered on the Carolina-Blue couch to watch the game on their home theatre plasma television. After the game they would stay awake into the night, analyzing each second of the game, and would flail themselves as punishment in the event that Carolina lost.

Their leader’s name was Calvin. Calvin was the most fanatical of all seven fans. The only thing that matched Calvin’s love of Carolina was his hatred of Duke. All the other fans wanted to be just like Calvin, because Calvin represented the epitome of Carolina devotion.

On Calvin’s birthday, an enormous package came in the mail. All the fans clustered around Calvin as he ripped the box open eagerly. When it was opened, the fans were shocked, and some of them actually screamed in horror. Inside the box was a collection of Duke paraphernalia. T-shirts, plastic cups, hats, posters, even little figurines of the Duke Blue Devil. Calvin was appalled. He was so offended that he flung the box and its contents into the Carolina-Blue incinerator, and then plunged his hands in boiling water to sterilize them. Unfortunatly, horrible, blistery burns raised up on his hands, and he was rushed to the hospital.

While in the hospital, he turned away three doctors who had attended Duke, insisting that his doctors and nurses be from Carolina. As he recuperated, he tried to imagine how such a horrifying event could have happened. Who would have the nerve to not only look at such a perverse selection of Duke paraphernalia online, but to actually pay good money to have it shipped into his home? Which of his housemates were sick enough, twisted enough to commit such an atrocious act? Their faces took on a maniacal sneer in his mind as the realization hit him: they were ALL guilty! They had conspired against him, trying to overthrow him as their leader! Calvin felt hurt, betrayed, outraged.

When his housemates came to visit, laden with Carolina-blue flowers and balloons, and the latest shipment of M&M’s, he confronted them about their wicked plot. Each one denied a part in the coup, quickly pointing their fingers at each other in blame. Ignoring their distress, Calvin sent them away to pack their things and leave his Carolina sanctuary. Moaning with the agony of rejection, they slowly filed out of his hospital room.

The next day, his grandmother came to visit him. She brought a homemade chicken pie, and lovingly fed it to him, since he was incapable of feeding himself. On her way out the door, she told him that his birthday present was already in the mail, or else she would have brought it herself.

After an excruciating week of recovery, he was released from the hospital. He walked in to the now-empty house, and found it quiet, and stripped of the majority of its furnishings. He scoured the house from top to bottom, in an attempt to eliminate all traces of the Duke-tainted former residents. When he got to the basement, he found a piece of paper next to the incinerator. He freaked out, since he knew it had fallen from the box in his rush to destroy it, but as he cautiously approached the paper, he saw that it had writing on it.

“Happy birthday, Calvin! I wasn't sure of the name of the team you liked, but I after I went to the college team store, I remembered that it was the blue one. I bought their entire stock! I just know how much you love that blue team. Can’t wait to see you at Christmas! Love, Grandma.”

Calvin was horrified. His own grandmother! He resolved to never speak to her again. He tried to call all of his friends to welcome them back, but oddly, they had all changed their cell phone numbers. Calvin spent the next few years living alone, never able to find someone who quite loved Carolina as much as he did. Eventually, he was arrested for stalking the point guard of Carolina’s basketball team, and after being declared criminally insane, he was confined to a padded cell for the rest of his life. The guard was an avid Duke fan, and frequently watched the Duke games in the break room. For some reason, Calvin never showed any signs of recovery.

Uh oh.

I don't know where my flashdrive is at the moment.
I HOPE I left it at home, plugged into my computer there. But I don't see how I could have done that... I keep my flash drive on my keychain. The little attaching clippy thing is still there, but the flashdrive is not. I definately have my keys right here with me.

This is not good.

Not that I had anything vitally important on there.
Just my work for the last several units in English, all of which has been turned in.
But I'd still like to have it.

I hope I find it...

UPDATE:

It's not plugged in to either of my computers at home.

As much as I hate to be one of those people that says, "somebody stole it", I think somebody might have stolen it.

I have no concrete proof.

However, I definitely had it last night, because I got mad at it for not letting me put my music onto it to move to the new computer.

I keep it on my keys, and I still have those.

The clippy-thing that it was attached with is still there, and it's not the type of clippy thing that randomly lets things fall off of it. It hasn't fallen off once in the time that I've had it. The clippy thing that is still there is still in good condition, and isn't bent or anything to let it slip off.

The only problem with my theory is that I don't know when someone might have stolen it.

The logical time would be some time during first period, probably during the fire drill today.

I took my letter jacket outside with me... but were my keys in my pocket, or were they in my hoodie pocket?

I WANT MY FLASHDRIVE!!!!! It's really inconvenient having to email assignments to myself.

UPDATE 2:

Nevermind. My dad found it broken off next to where I park.

Family

Evidently, my family reads my blog.
Hi, everybody.
This came as a surprise last night, when my grandparents called to catch up with us on life and such. When I answered the phone, Gramps said something to the effect of, "Is this the blogger?"
Evidently, one of my cousins (hi, guys) told them about my entry on not wanting to go to Carolina.
Not that I care. I have nothing to hide. If I did, I wouldn't put it on the internet, anyway.

Hmm. How many people actually read this thing?

Anyway. My online teacher has posted the next unit in our class. HOWEVER, because she keeps extending deadlines, the time originally allotted for each unit successively shrinks with each unit.
Last unit we had 12 days.
This time, we have 8.
We're reading the first two chapters of Arthur Conan Doyle's A Study in Scarlet. But evidently, not the rest of it.
*sigh*

Oh well. I'm going to go to Calculus now. I've got a quiz to take.
Whohoo.

Forgetting and High School Musical

On Saturday, our marching band went to competition. In theory, we were going to perform for comments only, and not receive a score. In theory. Somehow, the judges scored us anyway.
We kicked Starmount High's butt. Accidentally. Without meaning to.
How awesome is that?
Anyway, the forgetfulness aspect is this: I LEFT MY PICCOLO AT SCHOOL AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
So yeah. I'm stupid. Oh well.
Lindsay's mom went and picked it up for me. I need to make her a cake to say thank you.
But we did REALLY well. It was loads of fun. We got to see some really cool shows, too, including:

• Cirque de Soleil (the drum major's outfits looked like clown costumes WAY CREEPY. But their show was good.)
• Something about asia. It was a blend of china and japan, so it wasn't really all that accurate, but it was COOL. They had one of those gigantic paper dragons, a samurai, and fire-twirlers, and the samurai fought with one of the instrumentalists, and it was AWESOME.
• Legends of rock show, which was awesome
• The Firebird Suite (kind of an odd selection for a marching band show, but it was pretty cool)
• Some school did a Wicked show, but we didn't get to see it. Their drum major was dressed as Elphaba, though!

Speaking of forgetting, I forgot that I had rescheduled my piano/voice lesson today. So I missed it.

Oops.

My little brother's face is swollen. We think it might be because of poison ivy.

His mother was just on the phone with him. He was reporting every single website he visited on the computer yesterday. *sigh* When will he learn?

High School Musical 3 was evidently a raging success.

WHY? Someone explain to me why HSM is enjoyable. I simply don't understand.

Slackers.

My online english class recently gave us 12 days to complete the following:

• Answer personal questions about our beliefs in regards to Macbeth
• Read and respond in a paragraph to two of five quotes, then respond to two of our classmates' posts
• Complete a KWL chart about Macbeth (how totally 3rd grade)
• Take two pages of cornell notes about Shakespeare's life
• Read Macbeth
• Respond to each act on the discussion board by posting two significant quotes, interpreting the quotes, and then asking a question about something we would like clarified about the play, then respond to two of our classmates' posts
• Take notes on an website discussing the historical context of Macbeth
• Listen to a podcast about a production of Macbeth, and the actors'/director's/crew's opinions about the subject matter of Macbeth, etc.
• Listen to an edited version of a JFK speech about secrecy
• Listen to the CSI themesong
• Read the wikipedia article about CSI
• Write a blog entry discussing how JFK's speech relates to Macbeth, and how Macbeth would make a good episode of CSI (which is blasphemy)
• Write two essays on Macbeth, one about an imagery motif and what it represents, the other on whether or not Macbeth's punishment was appropriate for his crimes, and whether or not he would have gotten the same punishment if he were alive today
• Create a powerpoint with a partner (which was supposed to be assigned to us, but was not) about literary terms and describing examples of each in Macbeth
• Read a website about the use of quotation marks (because we've gotten to Honors English IV by NOT learning how to write properly. However, there are people in my class who actually need this... there's one kid who still hasn't passed Algebra I. This is the kid that said, of Hitler's plan for Germany, "I have to say i disagree bout Hitler having good plans for Germany, because Hitler never tried and did anything good in his time. He was a very mean leader who took it for granted and knew what he wanted to do [sic]." I mean, sure, Hitler committed atrocious acts that have scarred the face of human history for all time, but if you're going to criticize him, do so intelligently. Please. Don't use the word "mean" when you speak of Hitler. It's like calling the sun "warm." And then there's that girl who said it was "ludacris [sic]" to ruin the world around us out of "ignorice [sic]". On second thought, perhaps it's a good thing that we're reading about quotation marks. Last unit's grammar exposure was about apostrophe's and possessives.)
• Complete the Vocabulary University assignment. (My vocabulary words this unit included, "gradually," "casualty," "momentarily," and my personal favorite, "emotional.")
• Create an Animoto video illustrating the theme "Appearances versus reality".

As my workload indicates, the teacher does not understand the concept of "quality over quantity".

Anyway, as of last night, I had not finished reading Macbeth. So I stayed up until 3:00 AM finishing the work assigned to me.

Today, all I had left were the two essays. I wrote one of them in second period (functioning on three hours of sleep) and finished the other one about an hour ago.

I go to turn it in on blackboard, and I see that my classmates have started a petition to get the deadline extended, since they're "busy" and "can't get the work done in time." (Don't talk to me about busy until you're preparing college auditions on three separate instruments, taking AP Calc BC, getting ready for Honors Chorus, and going to marching band practice every Tuesday and Thursday until 6:30 and a game every Friday until about 11, if you're lucky. Actually, don't talk to me about busy until you're in college.)

I also see that the teacher has extended the deadline to October 27th.

After I busted my ass to get my stuff finished.

Can anyone else see why I'm bitter?

P.S. I know the typing is weird with this one. For some reason the text has decided to continue on to the next line in the middle of words.

Macbeth

Macbeth needs to take a prozac. His wife, too.
We're reading Macbeth in my online english class, as you can probably infer.
We're comparing it to the JFK assassination and an episode of CSI.
I know. Blasphemy.
I have two papers to finish by midnight tomorrow. That's going to be a pain.
It's not as bad as it seems, though. My "teacher" doesn't actually grade worth crap.
Although she needs to go fix those grades that she said she would... a week ago.
I sent her 4 messages in the past two weeks about mistaken grades. She's responded to one of them.
I still need to learn my music for honors chorus. And find somebody to room with.
I wish I had a job at a coffeehouse... the pleasant aroma of coffee, the interesting discussions about literature, boys, gossip, drama, school, theology, the Revolutionary War, soccer, and musicals. All of this would be wonderful.
Actually, I just want to live in a coffeehouse. Not work in one.

Wedding FAIL

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

This made me laugh.

School.

So. Homecoming was supposed to be tonight. But it got postponed 'til Monday.

The Symphonic Band Concert that was supposed to be on Monday got postponed to the following Monday. *sigh*

There is a generally large amount of discontent with this year's administration at school. (It's occurred to me lately that I can divide my high school career into 4 separate administrations: the Bridgewater administration, the Hedrick administration, the Powers administration and the Wallace administration. If you decided to include the month or so under Bost and Landry, that's the fifth: the Bost/Landry administration. Yay continuity.) General complaints (some are mine, some are not)

• We have homeroom EVERY DAY for 10 minutes. 20ish, if you include the break and the travel period to and from.  What a waste. In theory, the juniors, sophomores, and freshmen are supposed to be working on their Senior Graduation project (my class lucked out on missing that one). In actuality, people sit around and twiddle their thumbs. Or do their homework due later that day. Or eat.
• Every friday, there is a "Senior Breakfast" during this period, where the entire senior class goes to the cafeteria and gets food (crappy overpriced cafeteria food. Those poor lunch ladies. I remember when I was little and the lunch ladies were always the sweetest people you'd ever meet... and the food was actually half-decent. Now the food sucks, so nobody wants to go visit them). These "Senior Breakfasts" are supposed to be mandatory, but they don't take roll, and I have yet to actually attend one.
• S left. This is a source of sadness. J is here. This is a source of something that I have yet to identify (for me, at least). I mean... One on one, he's fine. As ***** would say, this is because he's got the mentality of a high schooler. Perhaps. Perhaps not. I'm not sure, yet. In class and in practice, however, there are good days and bad days. Certainly this is the case with every teacher, but it seems to me that the bad days are significantly more frequent than they used to be. Certainly this is not entirely J's fault. I mean, we had adapted to S. Working with S... (should I call him M? After GSE I'm not sure... I mean, he's not my current teacher anymore. I mean, he'll always be my teacher which is why I still want to call him S. But at GSE everybody called him M. I called him M in the third person, but S in the second. Probably still S to everybody at school. That would be weird if all of a sudden I was like, "I saw M at my lesson on Monday, and we talked about the North Davidson Festival." Everyone would be confused, and I'd sound slightly pretentious. Oh well. It'll work out. Where was I? Oh yes: Working with S...) ... was a very specialized set of skills. We're not quite sure how to deal with J, now that he's here. A lot of the bad stems from the awkward nature of that adaptation (the unexpectedness, general bad feelings... etc.), but not all of it. With regards to marching band, a portion of it stems from the bad weather we've been having... and a portion stems from general apathy, which I cannot accurately diagnose the cause of. Bad weather? Bad decisions on the parts of multiple parties? I don't know. All I know is that I'm starting to dislike playing the flute. I know it's a mental thing directly stemming from the general bad vibes around the whole Band situation right now. M wants to quit. L wants to quit. TONS of people want to quit marching. Argh. L can't quit. She can't leave me with ********. I can't deal with it.
• My online english class is a travesty. We've read selections from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and Woolf's A Room of One's Own. We're currently reading Macbeth (in it's entirety, thank God), and we will be comparing it to JFK's assassination and an episode of CSI. We've done an assignment about Condoleezza Rice in the "British Women and their impact upon literature" unit, and evidently the majority of the students in this class don't actually do their work. I could fit all of the feedback I've gotten on my work onto a post-it note. I've BS'ed four essays the night before by this point, and I've gotten good grades on all of them. Why is this considered learning? Some of the people in my class... There's this fellow, B, who was responding to a quote that we had to respond to on the discussion board. Bear in mind this kid is in Honors English IV. His ambition is to pass Algebra I so he can get his diploma and be a car designer. This is the kid that denounced Hitler as "mean" and "a jerk".
• Mrs. London, my Calc teacher, is the coolest person ever. End of story. I can't wait for the trig party we're going to have at her house. That's how amazing this woman is: She makes me want to go to a trig party.
• I'm the Jester in our Madrigal dinner! I get to be a fool! I've always been so disappointed that that particular job description died out. I've always had this particular fantasy about this dashingly handsome jester and this dashingly handsome prince having an illicit love affair under the king's nose. I'm so wierd.
• Homecoming was postponed to Monday. Evidently the weather was "too bad." Now four of the nominees' fathers can't escort them, and one of them has to return the car she was using. When asked about this situation, Mr. Wallace said that he'd be "honored to escort one of you." That's not gonna fly, Mr. Wallace. Sorry. But Mrs. K talked to them, and made them feel better. She's amazing.

So instead of homecoming, I went to Dino's. Then I sat in the Dino's parking lot with J and J for like 2 hours, came home, went to Moby's to see G (I like G. G likes me. We don't work out that way, though. Which is a shame...) and then G, K, K, and I went bowling.

It was fun.

I probably won't be able to go to the state fair tomorrow to see all my GSE friends. I'm disappointed, to say the least.

GRR.

Stuff

Things I like:

• Coffee- particularly when it's got chocolate in it
• The cute shirtless guy with the skateboard I saw while driving home from Five guys today
• Five Guys burgers and fries
• Eric Whitacre- especially "What If" from Paradise Lost. Go listen to it. It's on his blog. At the moment, it's the top entry. Go. NOW.
• The part of my Bach Fugue that I've already finished
• Mrs. London, because she's awesome and gives us candy when we take tests
• Strings
• Brass
  
• Woodwinds
• Chamber music
  
• Burt's Bee's Chapstick
• Podcasts
• All of my current piano repertoire should be finished VERY soon, if all goes according to plan, meaning that I'll get to start new stuff and fun stuff afterwards.
• Whit
• Cayden (these two are not listed in order of preference, they're listed chronologically)
  

Things I don't like

• How expensive coffee is
• the cute guy I saw is probably straight. Just like the majority of the other cute guys I've got crushes on.
• My general lack of confidence when it comes to guys
• Paradise Lost premiered in California. The CD is STILL not out. There's no easily obtainable recording of several of my favorite Whitacre pieces.
• The part of my Bach fugue that I haven't finished yet.
• My online english class
• My school has no orchestra program
• I don't actually have time to listen to podcasts, generally.
• I'm going to have to SLAVE to get my piano repertoire finished by the time Elizabeth's shooting for.
• Lillian had the NERVE to ask where I was going to college. Why does she not get that I don't want to have anything to do with her? I TOLD her as much.
  

Auditions

Elizabeth informed me today that because of my hectic schedule, my recorded college pre-auditions have to be finished by November 2nd.
Holy crap. I have to finish the Bach. And the Beethoven. And the Chopin. And the Brahms. And the Vaughan Williams. And reconsider the aria.
I'm not going to have much of a social life for the next few weeks.

Harvard University

Harvard has the most unhelpful website in the world. What kind of university doesn't have a faculty list linked to the front page of their website? It's ridiculous.
All I wanted was this one lady's email address.
I still haven't found it.
Of course, it's possible that it's not on there at all... I'm not entirely sure if she's a professor there or not.
Oh well.
I'm in my online class right now, and the videoconferencing psych class is going on behind me. The teacher is talking about Freud, and how he thinks kids want to do it with their parents.
To quote her, "eww."

To the girl I passed on the way to Calculus today

Dear madam:
While I'm sure you love your boyfriend very much, it is generally considered inappropriate to shove your tongue down his throat in the middle of the hallway while pinching his nipples. Kindly refrain from doing so in large, moving crowds of people, as it not only holds up traffic, but is slightly gross.
Thank you.

________

Evidently, the Agence France-Presse (basically, France's version of Associated Press) used a photo of Tina Fey impersonating Sarah Palin in the place of a picture of Sarah Palin. Oops.
http://www.tvsquad.com/2008/10/01/oops-newspapers-around-the-world-use-snl-pic-as-official-palin/

Mario paint is amusing.

So anyway, Eric Whitacre has written an electronica opera. And I really wish I could see it. Too bad it premiered in California.

But there are rumours of a CD in the works.

The mario paint transcription of "What If", from his opera, should be above (if I embedded it right.)

A New Name

The old one was a product of me thinking "I don't want to come up with a name right now."

I realize it's slightly inconvenient to the (maybe) two people that read this thing, but hey. You can come yell at me if it bothers you that much.

THE MOST AMAZING ARRANGEMENT OF LOCH LOMOND EVER

... can be heard here:

GO LISTEN TO IT. IT'S AWESOME.

It's number 20, if you're feeling like looking for the phrase "Loch Lomond" is going to be too much effort. Lazy.

Church and Parents and Brothers

My pastor today scolded us for not coming to church. In church.

After that he scolded us for not worshiping, but sitting and passively listening to a sermon. During his sermon.

*serious face* Really?

Also, parents are ridiculous.

"Go pick up 300 sticks in the backyard."

It's the labour version of busywork.

It's pointless.

It's solitary.

It's dull.

My little brother is addicted to video games. He also thinks that I'm a video game god or something. That's why he always used to come to me and say "Will you show me how to [something] in my video game?" to which I would respond "Michael, I haven't played that video game since I was 12/Michael, I've never played that video game before/Michael, I don't know what the heck you're talking about." Which would be shortly followed by "But would you try it? Please? Please? Please?" etc.

In an attempt to get him to leave me alone, I told him that you can look up walkthrough guides to video games on the internet. 

I should have never told him that you can look up walkthrough guides on the internet.

Now the conversation goes like this:

"Will you look up how to [something]?"

"Michael, the point is to figure it out yorself."

"Oh, please look it up for me?"

"Michael, it won't be that specific. It gives you strategies, not specific timed instructions on how to beat [the latest bad guy]."

"Will you look anyway?"

"Michael, I looked it up for you yesterday. Don't you remember what it said?"

"Please? Again?"

"Michael, you already have a BOOK that tells you how to do it. Go read it."

"The book doesn't say how. Please?"

"Why do you think the internet would?"

"Please?"

"No."

"DAD, ROBERT WON'T LOOK UP HOW TO [something] FOR ME, TELL HIM TO DO IT."

See, it wouldn't be so bad if Michael would look it up for himself.

But he's not allowed to without somebody supervising him.

That somebody inevitably becomes me.

Which is obnoxious.

My dad reads my blog now.

Hi Dad!

ugh.

If you find yourself wanting to buy Handel's Messiah, do not purchase the Sir Georg Solti and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra version. In addition to being one of the most expensive interpretations on iTunes ($20), the soloists suck. (Exception: Kiri te Kanawa's voice is lovely. As always.)

Why didn't I get the London Symphony Orchestra version? Not only is it $8 less, it's a MUCH better interpretation. Why why why?

Never again will I not shop around first.

So... If anyone out there happens to have a good recording...

I'd love to have a copy.

I hesitate to shell out for the other one... Dad would be less than pleased, I think.

The classic Emo Post

GSE Nostalgia attacked me today. We had honors chorus auditions today, and the audition piece, "Sure on This Shining Night" by Morten Lauridsen, was sung by the GSE chorus. I saw a street called Carr Street. I saw Kiyoshi. I saw (of all things) The Grizzly Man at the video store today. The video store that wasn't carrying the two movies I was looking for that we watched at Governor's school.

I miss it painfully. Senior year has been rather underwhelming: now that I've seen the sheer awesomeness that humanity can achieve, the petty drama holds even less appeal. For those who haven't been, I don't expect you to really get just how amazing it was. For those who have, I know you're going through the same thing I am right now, so perhaps that makes it a little bit better, to know that we're commiserating. I just really want to see the many people I miss desperately.

College is looming. In addition to having to decide where to go, I also have to decide what my primary instrument will be.

May God have mercy upon my soul.

So I have to prepare three college auditions: Piano, Flute, and Voice.

In two months.

With not enough practice time.

Again, May God have mercy upon my soul.

And this audition is one that REALLY matters.

Like... for the rest of my life matters.

When I go to college, Kayla's going to go to a different college. I'm going to miss her. I don't know how that's going to work. Ideally, I'd like for us to stay friends, but I don't know how that will play out. I get that sometimes friends drift when they're separated for long periods of time. While I would rather that not happen for us, I don't know if it's going to be avoidable.

And that really sucks, because Kayla's my best friend in the whole world. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend.

I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend.

More specifically, I want a boyfriend who likes me, who I like back. Preferably a musician, so he'll understand when I disappear to practice. And preferably liking classical music, so he'll like going to see symphony orchestras with me. Preferably someone who wants me emotionally, mentally, and physically. If he likes horror/gorefest movies, he's got to be able to deal with me freaking out about them next to him. Tall is nice. Same size is also nice, especially if he has clothes I like. Muscles are nice. Singing bass is nice. Being able to sing well is nice. Having good taste in stuff in general is nice. Getting along with my friends and family is a MUST.

Cute/hot is nice, too.

As is geographical proximity.

I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend.

I get that this will probably not happen 'til college.

BUT that doesn't make the wait any more pleasant.

Gah. Sorry to complain so much.

Observations

Taken during math class:

• Mrs. London is awesome. She writes on the smartboard loudly, quickly, and with passion. Math excites her to no end, and her enthusiasm is contagious. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm looking forward to the Trig pizza party. Also, she likes Lipton Diet Green Tea.
  
• Inevitably, you will get sick before an audition or performance. Failing that, beware bodily harm.
• Why is the word "finite" pronounced 'faInaIt (fiyniyt, for the IPA challenged), and the word "infinite" pronounced 'Inf«nIt (ihnfihniht)? Also, why do they not teach IPA in school? I had to go find an online IPA transcriber. It was surprisingly difficult to find. In case you want it, here's the link: IPA English Dictionary
• Perhaps there is a connection between liking math and liking music theory.
• ***** sitting behind me and to the left is rather pretentious. Kind of like **** and *********.
• MRS. SNOW HAS A COPY OF THE VOCAL SCORE TO HANDEL'S MESSIAH!!!!! AND SHE LOANED IT TO ME!!!!!
• I'm a dork.
• Honors chorus auditions are tomorrow! Cat's not auditioning. Grr. That would be so cool if everybody from school made it. Then we would totally have to stay at the hotel, instead of driving back and forth like last year. And if we stay in the hotel, me and Chelsea can hang out with GSE people! Except not Cat. Because she's not auditioning. Grr.
• I finally got all my music from iTunes. Evelynn Glennie's A Little Prayer would be gorgeous for choir. If only I could get my hands on a copy...
• College applications/scholarships/auditions are TERRIFYING. I wish I had more time to practice... I should be practicing now, but my parents are watching the Grey's Anatomy season premiere... And other times, Michael is sleeping, I don't get home 'til late, Dad and Elizabeth have gone to bed, or I'm doing homework. I NEED TO PRACTICE!!!!! AUGH!!!!! If only I could practice during 2nd period, instead of having to work on my online class...

Is it really so much to ask for?

Is it really so much to ask for that when I pay for something, I actually receive it?

And by "it," I mean the entire album I purchased on iTunes?

Not just the second and third movements?

I paid for the WHOLE symphony. Not half of it.

The passing of another good thing

I discovered Focus Group Podcast entirely by accident. I was on facebook one day, and I saw that a family friend had joined a group called "Focus Group Group." The name intrigued me, so I investigated. I read the description, went to iTunes, and subscribed to the podcast. I downloaded all the back episodes, and within a week and a half I'd listened to all 13 of them. (They averaged at approximately 30-40 minutes per episode.) The show consists of four twenty-somethings living in Durham, NC: Alisha, Erin, Travis, and Zak. Each episode is filled with funny anecdotes, and soon you begin to feel as if you truly know Alisha, Erin, Travis, and Zak.

However, the podcast has recently ended. After 26 episodes, Alisha went on a summer mission trip to Uganda, and is planning on going again for several years. Zak and Travis moved to New York City. Needless to say, podcasting would be rather difficult, and even if they were to do so, it wouldn't be the same. While there are podcasts out there where the different members of the show record from different geographical areas, but the sterile atmosphere pales in comparison to that of Focus Group, which was recorded with a single microphone sitting in the middle of the four friends.

Although no longer currently running, Focus Group is worth listening to. Go download ALL of the episodes. Start with the beginning, and work your way towards the end. The  journey is well worth it.

*ding* Focus Group!

The passing of a good thing.

I don't watch all that much television. I simply don't have time to. This is why I mourn the passing of one show that I follow religiously with my family: Boston Legal.

Boston Legal is a phenomenal TV show that provides intelligent, contemporary commentary on society and current events and issues. The show, while often humorous, is also frequently quite serious in nature. For the past two years, my family has sat on our couch every Tuesday (until it changed days) at 10:00 and watched Alan Shore, Denny Crane, and Shirley Schmidt fight for noble causes. 

Although Boston Legal is a brilliantly written, award-winning show, it has not attracted the audience it so deserves. Thus, tonight was the final season premiere of Boston Legal.

They say all good things must come to an end.

I suppose it is true.

Farewell.

Observations

• What is wrong with the following phrase? "Purified Drinking Water/enhanced with minerals for fresh taste"
• Even if it is cheesy and unrealistic, life should be like it is in August Rush.
• The little things in life are often the most annoying. For example, almost every single time we visit First Baptist Church, they are playing a particular CD before the service, and the woman singing on the CD has the most unpleasant, off-tune, nasally, obnoxious voice I've ever heard. Words cannot describe how painful her voice is to listen to.
• Why do people not believe that I'm gay? It bewilders me. Usually, when the general public doesn't believe someone about their sexuality, the roles are reversed, and everybody thinks they're a closet case. Why is it so backwards with me? It's actually pretty funny... Maybe I'm a little bit too straight-acting.
• I love going on choir trips. The conversation is always so fascinating.
• My online english class is a joke. I BS'd an essay the day before it was due, and got a 100 on it. If I'd given that paper to Mrs. Noel, she'd have bled all over it with her red pen.
• Watching an ice cube melt is infinitely more interesting than listening to my parents discuss politics over lunch with my grandparents.
• Perhaps the only reason I can't sing high usually is because I have a mental block about it. I hit a "C" above the staff today in my lesson when I wasn't looking at the keyboard. But like 10 minutes later, I was having my usual issues with the A-flat.
• Graffiti is often quite humorous. Take, for example, this excerpt from a table at Macado's: "Fo a good time, call Shaniqua. Na Fa Fo- Fo Fa Na Fo."
• To C: It could have been today.

P

So, I wrote my essay the other day. I thought it was pretty good. Then Elizabeth took it to Pinky across the street, who is a retired English teacher.

Holy crap.

The woman is a phenomenal editor. I honestly think she tore into that paper even more than Mrs. Noel would have.

Holy crap.

Anonymous Statements

1) I hope you get that there really isn't such a thing as "starting over" when it comes to relationships. Even if you get your memory erased, some vengeful doctors assistant is going to mail you a tape of everything you forgot. (Aside: I really need to watch that movie again!) While I'm sure your intentions are noble (Or  they could be totally selfish. You could just not be able to deal with me not talking to you.), you need to know that I'm always going to remember all that awkwardness. So you've got your work cut out for you if you're serious about this "starting over" business.

God, I hope I didn't sound like you did when I told ******* I loved him.

2) You... you're different this year. I go away for six weeks, and when I come back you've become completely full of yourself. While you are certainly quite good, you are very much not perfect, so stop acting like you are. Also, what's with the little comments about people who have already graduated? You know you would have NEVER said that if you thought it could get back to her. It's not nice to belittle others to make yourself look good. Also, she'd kick your ass in a heartbeat. So stop it! She's got plenty of friends, you know. Also, don't hold your ***** up so high. You look pretentious when you do it, and it's bad for your back. I'm fairly certain that's how Kate hurt her back this summer. (Kate, if you're reading this, and that's not true, please correct me.) Just remember, slightly forward and slightly down. Not up, with elbows out. And it is unnecessary to shout instructions to the rest of the class when they're not being quiet. While you mean well, your "Stop talking!" is also talking. Instead of telling others what to do, lead by example. I'm saying all this as your friend. I miss the old you.

Fantastic

While writing my essay (read: procrastinating) I discovered this clip from SNL, where Tina Fey did an impression of Sarah Palin.

It's perfect.

Tina Fey does Sarah Palin

ESSAY ABOUT YOURSELF

"In your own words, describe your personal  characteristics, accomplishments, primary interests, plans, and goals.  What sets you apart? Your essay should be about 500 words."

You know, the good people at the National Merit Scholarship Program have a twisted sense of humor.

Stuff

So, in (semi)recent news, our school IS NOT doing a musical this year. Due to the excessive complaints from the theatre students about the fact that they would not get to do a straight play their senior year, Mrs. Calhoun and Mrs. Snow changed their minds. Which is certainly reasonable, since if there's THIS much drama going on and they hadn't even announced the play they were going to do, then the drama once the class actually began would be unbearable.

So no musical. Oh well. Maybe I'll find a community theatre play to audition for somewhere.

In other news, our new band teacher has scheduled Saturday practices for our marching band, due to the fact that we're INCREDIBLY behind schedule. It's pretty bad. We've only got the first number on the field at the moment (and still not perfectly), and most schools have already got the entire thing on the field by now.

Yikes.

I sense stressful marching band competitions in the upcoming future.

And I'm performing tomorrow at First United Methodist Church of Mocksville. Mrs. Brewer asked me to play one of the pieces I played at my recital a few months ago, and the first thought that went through my head was, "Oh crap. I haven't played those since May." So I went to rehearse with Mrs. Basham today, (the minister of music @ FUMC) and we decided that the piece that I was going to play wouldn't be up to performance level (which is putting it nicely. Airs de Ballet d'Ascanio isn't something you can pick up after 4 months and put together with an accompanist the day before the performance.) so we picked out something else to play. Some Telemann sonatina. It's pretty.

I like it.

I'm going to get coffee now, and then go see a movie with mis amigos.

Hello, gentle readers.

Gentle Readers.

That's what my dad calls the people who read his editorials, when he decides to break the newsprint wall. Gentle Readers.

*steals idea*

So yeah, I just recently found out that there are actually people who read this.

I'm pretty excited.

I've still got a residual cough and sniffles from a few days ago, but I'm generally feeling better.

There's no real purpose to this entry, except to say:

"Hello, gentle readers."

hahahaha. I'm probably a bit too amused by this.

Random aside: Dad told me I could get 5 songs on iTunes the other day.

My selections:

The 1812 Overture- Tchaikovsky

Anything But Fine- Zox

Cathedrals- Jump Little Children

Gotta Find You- Joe Jonas (Do not laugh at me, Gentle Readers. It's not nice. I know ALL about that Aaron Carter CD you still pull out and listen to when you think nobody's around.)

Rylynn- Andy McKee

Salud.

RRG.

I'm sick. I've got a virus.

There are no cures for viruses, except bed rest.

So I've been in bed all day. It's fairly dull. I had to skip my piano/voice lessons today.

I've not got anything else to say for today. I WOULD get sick on a weekend.

Rrg. I'm going to go read some more.

Online classes

I am taking english online. The jury is still out on whether that was a good idea or not. On one hand, some of the questions I have to answer are completely inane.

Examples:

• Write a very long, dry sentence about a subject you are studying in another class.
  
• Here is a riddle: What has a head upon which many can stand, but which cannot stand on its head? Any guesses?
  
• What is mustard, botanically? Look it up in Encarta.
  
• Open any other novel or short story book, at random, and select a line of dialogue. Copy it into your journal and then add this sentence: "And the moral of that is..."
  
• Name 3 characters from this paragraph (from an article. Not a story. These characters were VERY briefly mentioned), and explain how they are like fairy tale creatures. What do you think a fairy tale creature is?
• Do you like the extended metaphor used in this selection?

But on the other hand, other questions encourage intelligent thought and discussion of the topic at hand. And our reading/listening/watching materials so far include:

• Alice's Adventures in Wonderland- Lewis Carroll
• The Little Girl and the Wolf- James Thurber (You have to read it. Here's the link: http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~lcrew/quotes/picnicba.html It's like two paragraphs total. But it's so worth it.)
• Grammar Girl Podcast (yeah, it's about grammar. But so far it's actually pretty clever, and not dull. And it's a podcast. Podcasting in general is awesome.)
• A TED video of David Eggers giving a presentation about his AWESOME writing workshop/pirate supply store/publishing company

So it has its pros and its cons. I'll reserve judgment as to whether I like it or not 'til a bit later.

School and stuff

School started Monday.

I'm a senior now.

What's up with that? When did that happen?

It's okay, so far. I mean... it's school.

I'm taking Symphonic Band, English 4 Honors Online, AP Calculus BC, and Madrigal Singers.

I'm figuring out how to work the whole online class thing. It's not that hard.

I heard that a guy I used to like was gay.

He's not. I asked him.

Ho hum. Such is life.

I got a text from this OTHER guy who I'm totally into right now that said he wanted to hook up with me sometime.

I'm pretty excited about that.

I have to park my car in a ridiculous fashion to appease my father. Who does a 3-point turn to get into a parking space? Anyway, I ran over some flowers today while parking.

I told him it would happen eventually.

I'm working on getting in the habit of practicing every day.

It's a process. I hate developing new habits intentionally. But it needs to be done.

Maybe I'll go to one of those concerts that Gaither keeps sending facebook invites to. It'd be cool to see him again, and maybe some other GSE people, too.

I'll see if Kayla wants to go with me.

By the way, I'm feeling a lot better from my previous post. I posted it on facebook, too, and a lot of people offered me advice and support and all that good stuff.

People like me! :)

Anyway. I'm going to go now.

Ciao.

Uncertainty

So...

I'm having faith issues.

And I don't know why...

Like... I do believe that Jesus is the son of God and that he's coming again, etc.

I've asked Jesus into my heart.

I meant it when I asked for it.

I see evidence of God's awesomeness every day, so that's not in question.

I don't feel that I do bad things...

I don't feel like I pray as much as I should (basically, it's prayers at night with my little brother. Sometimes. And if I'm really nervous about something), but I intend to pray more. I just hope I actually keep this resolution...

I'm gay. That's a whole issue on its own... I used to think I'd resolved that. In theory, I have. In reality, I'm afraid that I'm justifying my sin? (If it's a sin? I still can't believe that it is. But... there's always that nagging sense of guilt. Is that my conscience? Is that God? Is He speaking through my conscience?)

Why do I feel so uncertain about everything?

My aunt believes that my wreck was God's way of trying to get my attention. Well... I'm paying attention now. What is it?

Why can't this be simple?

I still have issues talking about my faith... I think that's because Lillian was such a negative influence, and all of her shit was about her twisted view of Christianity.

There are so many people that have done so many horrible things in the name of God.

Is that why I get annoyed with those little pamphlets that people leave in bathroom stalls? With televangelists? With people praying out loud? I sometimes feel like they're all done for pretentious reasons. Like... I feel that praying is a private matter, and praying in front of other people is sometimes done more for show rather than for actual religious reasons.

But if something is private, usually there's a reason that you don't want people there.

Why should I feel that it's something to hide? I don't feel I'm hiding it, but I don't want to feel like I'm putting up a front.

I don't want to be one of those people that just goes through the motions.

I'm so confused...

I really wish I could just have a spoken conversation with God where he would say specifically to me, without any room for interpretation: "This is what you're doing right in your life, and this is what I want you to change. Here's your checklist for the rest of your life. Follow it: that's my plan for you. I'll check in later to see if you have any questions."

I feel a little better after writing this.

If anybody reads this, please pray for me. I'm not sure what's going on right now.

I don't care about titles right now.

I have a new role model: Matthew Mitcham!

In addition to being the only out gay man at the Olympics right now, he's also a gold medalist at said Olympics. There aren't enough positive gay role models.

I get this little rush of joy every time I discover a new one. I don't know why, but I do.

Have I mentioned that he's cute? And I'm jealous of his partner?

Lachlan, if you ever read this (Why you would be reading this, I don't know... Nobody else does. Not that I care. It's more something to do than anything else. That would be cool for someone to read this though... HEY!!!!! YOU OUT THERE!!!!! READ MY STUFF!!!!! *crickets chirp* Oh well. Continuing...) I hope you realize how lucky you are to be dating a cute Olympic athlete who looks good in a speedo.

I'm going to imagine Matthew Mitcham as a wholesome, fun-loving guy who is devoted to his sport and is a genuinely nice person who cares about other people, and who thinks highly of his friends. The kind of person who thinks, "Wow! I'm really glad I'm friends with so-and-so. I value them as a person, and I enjoy their company. I'm lucky to have met them and have them as a part of my life!" And of course, he's be such a nice person that all his friends think the same thing about him.

Oh anonymous future boyfriend... wherever you are, take notes from my imaginations depiction of Mr. Mitcham. This is a good example for you to follow.

That would be so awesome if he turns out to be like that... God, I hope I get to meet him some day.

Maybe I'll be a famous concert pianist by then!

That means I should practice more.

I started looking at college audition requirements the other day...

They're scary.

My audition repertoire right now is this:

Prelude and Fugue in C major, Well Tempered Clavier Book 1- J. S. Bach

Sonata Op. 27 No. 2 "Moonlight"- Ludwig van Beethoven (The entire thing, not just the first movement)

Two Rhapsodies, Op. 79- Johannes Brahms (I've got the second one almost down, and then it occurred to me yesterday that I should probably learn the first one, too. I'm going to start on that...)

Etude Op. 10 No. 14 "Revolutionary"- Frederic Chopin (Scary. But It's coming very nicely.)

The Sunken Cathedral- Claude Debussy

I shall mix and match as colleges deem necessary.

I plan to audition (at the moment, this changes frequently) at:

Oberlin

UNC-G

Indiana University

University of Michigan

Northwestern University (Maybe? They're REALLY expensive, and they don't offer merit scholarships. But what a school...)

Cake

Tomorrow is Elizabeth's birthday...

I made her a cake! I hadn't made a cake in a very long time. I hope it turned out okay... I haven't tasted it, yet.

The icing was delicious, though.

I even managed to not completely destroy the kitchen with a mess, which is a huge achievement for me.

I used to bake cakes a lot... then I stopped. Maybe I should start again. It's fun.

It's also a really good chance to attentively listen to podcasts on my iPod and still be productive. My unlistened-episode list is down to 6, all from Unnatural Acts of Opera.

SPEAKING of which, I killed my headphones. I turned around to put something away, and the wire caught on a counter knob, and the jack came off of the end of the wire. So my headphones are dead.

Maybe I should stop buying cheap headphones and invest some money in a REALLY good set.

Or maybe I shouldn't, because those would probably break as well.

For some reason, my "u" key doesn't work when the left shift button is held down. Watch: 

See? there are no "u"s after that colon. Here's the other shift key: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Much more successful.

Ho hum.

TAKE A HINT, STUPID!!!!

When I told you I don't like you, I thought we could be friends.

When you couldn't get over me and bitched and whined to me about not being able to have me, I changed my mind. But I thought I could be civil to you.

When you CONTINUED TO BE IN MY PRESENCE WITH A SINGLE-MINDED OBSESSIVENESS, I categorized you as a stalker. Congratulations, you're even worse than ***** was.

How did you get my phone number? I didn't give it to you.

WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?

STOP IT!!!

Music

So... I went to Sheetmusicplus.com today, because I need to buy music for the upcoming year and college and stuff. I put the following things into my shopping cart:

Sonata for Flute and Piano- Francis Poulenc

Flute Sonata- Paul Hindemith

Six Sonatas for Flute- J. S. Bach

The evil scale book that I don't know the name of- Paul Taffanel and Philippe Gaubert

The Well-Tempered Clavier, Book 1 (Urtext)- J. S. Bach

The Well-Tempered Clavier, Book 2 (Urtext)- J. S. Bach

Piano Sonatas, Book 1 (Urtext)- Ludwig van Beethoven

and do you know how much these are going to cost?

$188.95!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AUGH. Why should sheet music cost this much? It's not like I'm getting really off-the-wall stuff here, this is basic repertoire for flute and piano! I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY! My dad probably will not pay for it without a HUGE fuss, and it's SOOOOO annoying.

*sigh* In happier news, I've decided which Olympic athlete I'm going to marry: Alexandre Despatie, diver for Canada.

SOOO hot.

Probably not into men though... Oh well. Matthew Mitcham's really cute, too.

Why do divers have such excellent bodies? What do they do as they train?

Gertrude

I have a new car! She's a '99 (I think? Possibly a '97) Buick Century. She's burgundy. And she is MOST DEFINITELY a she. The previous owner was a smoker, so she smells like cigarette smoke, and there are cigarette burns in the carpet and the seats, and the back speaker rattles on the bass notes in some of my music, BUT SHE'S MINE! I'M FREE! I CAN (sort of) GO WHEREVER I WANT AGAIN! 

*bliss*

P.S. In case you couldn't tell, I've named her Gertrude. Hence, the title of this entry.

Weddings, Musicals, and Caffeine

Kayla dragged me to a wedding yesterday, after begging me to go with her for about a week. It was a bit weird, since I hadn't met either the bride or the groom before. But hey, what can you do? The pre-wedding music was the entire "In Between Dreams" album, by Jack Johnson. It was an outside wedding, and the aisle was lined with metal pails with blue flowers in them. The ceremony was held on the porch of a country farm-house, and the bride rode up in a horse and buggy, and it was quite cheesy, as many weddings are. After the ceremony (which I didn't pay very much attention to, but I didn't know the people, so it's ok) everybody (there were like 300 people there. Holy crap.) moved to the other side of the house, where there were tables set up, and they had Carolina BBQ catering. I refrained from the BBQ, Beans, Cole Slaw, etc. (I'm not a huge BBQ fan.) and went straight for the macaroni. Ironically enough, the first person to get a slice of the wedding cake after the bride and groom was me, possibly the only person there who the bride and groom had never met before. Oh well.

I told Kayla that I'm planning her wedding. She thinks she's not getting married, but she's wrong.

Then we drove back home, and on a spur of the moment decision, decided to go see Mamma Mia! in Winston. We went to the very last showing, and there were 12 people in the audience, including a pair of giggling blonde girls sitting in the back row with us. I thought it was a really good movie, in spite of the fact that the giggles were rather distracting. Fast forward, movie ends, giggles leave, Kayla and Me dawdle on the way out because there's still music going, and then I find the giggles' keys. So we chase after them, find them, hand off the keys, etc.

Favorite Scene in the movie: Christine Baranski singing "Does Your Mother Know" to that guy while hordes of greek island boys dance around without their shirts on.

I know I'm shallow sometimes. I'm okay with that. Better to appreciate the beauty around you than to ignore it, in my opinion.

On the way back home, we decided to stop at Sheetz to get coffee, and it was delicious.

I got a raspberry mocha with extra chocolate.

We stayed out 'til 12:20. What a way to kick off senior year.

I'm so excited!

Wow, this post was rather pointless. Oh well.